Hi all I have missed you! Thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts. Didn't someone say that a delayed response is better than no response at all? Well I said it and it's genius! No really, Thank You from the depths of my heart.
I have been speechless, as I have been for the past year. I won't say anything just to fill the uncomfortable silence. I know coming over to my blog had some thinking, "what the hell"? But that could be no concern of mine. I stopped doing many things. I just returned to writing songs, which has been like going back to school after summer break. I'm trying to organize my thoughts again so that any expression will make sense. Now I understand why some great paintings look like a bunch of mess, why some songs make absolutely no sense and poetry ciphers can be annoying.
Somehow I am not the same. I'm not going to get extra deep or spiritual. My clairvoyance remains :-), but there are many qualities that have changed. Which is GREAT. If you have managed to find my page, you will notice that my url has changed. I no longer have the need to tell people I don't want bastard kids...lol I am still pro kid-marriage-combo, I just don't have a need to wave the "NO Bastard" flag like gang colors anymore. I live it and that's all that matters. Now, I'm in love with my header so I'm not sure how long the title will be there, but the plan is to remove it at some point.
Anyway, I have been catching up on pop culture. Watching TV, listening to music, trying to get to the movies more often and read more books. Of course with all that has happened I have gravitated toward the most mindless escape of all, not crack, TV. My frequent viewings are Ugly Betty, I Love NY, The White Rapper Show, American Gangsta and reruns of Sex and the City, Will and Grace, Frasier and South Park. I must confess, I watch the Real World too(you keep your judgements to yourself). Other than that, I have been scaling down many things. Things like my temper, junk food, clutter, bills, yada yada. I have a long way to go though. I'm trying to figure out how to minimize my toiletries. I have a mini CVS in my vanity closet. Yes, a closet full of girl-aids. There must be a solution.
I don't think I'll ever be a minimalist, but I'm trying to keep it simple. I'll get rid of old Bath and Body Works lotion, but the weave stays!
Hello All! I would like to introduced you to someone dear to me. Please meet my good friend and brother. He is a great writer, scholar, vocalist, he can dress his ass off and can almost dance better than I. Show him some love blove-ones, Sir-Real.
Within the past few months I have become really angry with my circumstances. Just feeling frustrated. Between my dad's illness, hating my job, dumping my boo and a bunch of other shit, I have been down. I felt like my energy had been zapped. Normally I can snap out of a slump on my own, but not this time. I even got sick of complaining. I knew so many things needed to change, but didn't know where to start.
Prayer has been a huge motivator and my mom has been as well. My mom being a motivator is kind of an oxymoron. She's kinda passive, no real ambition and thinks that having a man is the most important goal in life. Based on those standards, let's just say we bump heads all the time. I don't know what happened, but unlike any other time that I can remember she has been by my side cheering me on. Every single morning for that past few months she called me with words of encouragement. I was getting those annoying inspirational forwards from her a few times a week. Although I don't get to see her as much as I would like because she lives in the neighboring state, I have been seeing her more than usual. If nothing else my mom is very affectionate, so kisses and hugs come as natural as breathing to us. I would say her hugs are one of the highlights of being in her presence. Having that type of affection has been a plus to all the other things that she has done recently. She decided to show up to give me what I needed in the way that I needed it. My mom gave me the strength to change the things that I had been complaining about.
I had been reluctantly looking for a new job. Wasn't sure about moving on because I'd been at the same job a little over 8 years. I started there when I was in college and left to work for another company for a few months to eventually return. I guess there was some complacency coupled with fear....not sure. I do know I was sick of the place. Loved my boss to pieces, but sick of the place. My mom had been listening to my complaints about my career, health, love and immediately started to challenge me. To make a long story short, my anger in addition to motivation from my mom made me jump into job searching. One day or weekend I got so pissed and decided that the next Monday I was going to apply for every job that I came across. If my abilities met at least three things in the job description, I hit APPLY.
After only a couple of weeks I had a phone interview and was called in for a 2nd interview. In a matter of days after my first interview, I found the job that I wanted. After being at the same place, I was finally moving on. When I called to tell my mom I'd gotten an offer, I could hear her emotion. She was so happy for me! My mom has been awesome! She has been my rock! She really surprised me. I called her tonight to tell her how much I appreciate her especially within these past few months. Maybe I need to remind her more often that she really has an influence in my life. Or maybe she already realizes it and that's why she didn't give up on me. Either way I'm happy she used her power and influence to literally change an entire part of my life. I'm headed in a new direction,one that I had trouble finding on my own. Thanks ma....
~~~~~~~Katrina This Time Last Year~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's continue to pray that our brothers, sisters and fellow Americans can piece their lives back together from the Gulf Coast. Take a look at "When the Levees Broke". Spike did a great job. When you get a little money, take a trip down to New Orleans, book a hotel and have something to eat to put a little money back into their community. Just a few last words: Politicians are the worst, both white and black..... We voters have to somehow change this game.
This week is really on some Do The Right Thing shit! I'm ready to see Radio Raheem beat the shit out of somebody at any minute. To say that it is hot as hell would be a huge understatement. The meteorologist are always talking about record breaking temperatures, but we know the news always exaggerates. I don't think they conveyed the seriousness of the heat this time. Everyone should have been doing the weather in their underwear or something to drive the point home. It's crazy!
There are so many power outages in the NY tri-state area. Everyone is shutting down early in efforts to conserve energy. I swear I don't remember when there ever was a time when there was such a strain on our resources. What in the hell is going on? Seriously, I'm a little nervous. I feel extremely venerable. Alarming a house while you're at work would be impossible with no power...ya know....shit like that. It's sooo hot that my ass is in the house tryna stay cool, so I decided to blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sexy Summer Sizzle~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin Timberlake's Sexyback is on some serious fire! This is the song that plays in my head when I'm feeling extra womanly. I hate ringtones. I think they are childish and annoying, but I got this one. I have always been a Justine Timberlake fan. Melodically, he is great and he has a good voice. I didn't care about that Janet Jackson boob shit. She is crazy on her on without bringing Justin into it. Love her too, but she is weird. This song is soooo erotic. A glass of wine, me and this song is something to behold! Sexyback is hawt!
Kelis's Bossy is so cute. I love when she walks on the back of the guy with her heels in the video. There is something extremely sexy about that...lol ... The green, which is her favorite color, ties in nicely throughout the video. That little green dress was to die for. Ladies this is the soundtrack for ambition. It's a celebration of being in control, which sounds like a party to me. Put this in your car, shades and blast it on the way to work......No one can fuck with you in the office....your shit is on point. Blast it coming home....you''re not taking shit from you man or the kids. Some serious motivation....
Entourage by Omarion is a club banger. The perfect summer song. This is what you throw in the player as you get ready to go out, then on your way to the club. Puts me in a great mood. After we park the car, I'm dancing on my way through the doors of the club. I like Omarion wit his little self. "Touch" was hot too. He's a dancer so his stuff usually has a bounce to it. This song just feels good. Good summer night joint.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Throw Back Summer Joint~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Notorious B.I.G, One More Chance is one of my all-time favorite songs period. This song makes you feel like you are living the good life even when you are putting two dollars worth of gas in your tank. The year that this song dropped, I had just bought a car, I was partying like crazy and I was at Howard University. What more can I say. Try to stay cool, drink plenty of water and enjoy the rest of the your summer.
I was hoping we would make it pass the 6 month mark, but his DNA just wouldn't allow him to stay on the good foot. I BROKE UP WITH MY NEW BOO three weeks ago. Right after my birthday actually. I made a promise to myself a few years ago that I would pay attention to RED FLAGS. I have been in many situations where I raised my brow at some semi-weird act, but accepted a somewhat reasonable explanation accompanied by an apology to later find out that that act was a direct connection to the unthinkable which resulted in all types of drama. NOT THIS TIME CLOWN. A few people think that I reacted a little drastically. The few would include my mom, her sisters, maybe a friend or two and sometimes myself around 1:30 am when I'm in the bed. I do miss him BTW. However, when I'm conscious, rational and feeling extra special I know that I made the right decision. When I'm being true to myself when I'm all alone, I feel like I didn't have a choice.
My big and handsome ex-boo lied to me about something really trivial. It was a bad lie and a lie for no reason. I would have been annoyed at the truth, but that's minor compared to the end result. Things would be different now if he were honest. How many talk shows, books, I-team reports and life experiences do we have to see to understand that lying is...it's just horrible?!?!?! Geez..WTF!! Nothing good can come from it. He is ashamed and pitiful because I made such a big deal about it. All I could think of was: if he would lie about something so small, just imagine what else he would lie about? I'm a songwriter so my imagination can really be out of this world. I can't torture myself...wondering and waiting for the next package of bullshit to hit my windshield .... it's so random. I could be waiting for years. I like to know what I'm dealing with....bull turds and all.
As a matter of fact I went out with ol'reliable this weekend. He was in town. He took me to see a new artist he wrote for. I know all of his bullshit and that's what makes us good together in these "meantime" moments. We both know that I would never consider dating him seriously because of all the shit I do know. It's a bunch of shit too. We are cool about ALL of that and that what makes our moments together very very very blissful. We really have a good time. It might have been a coincidence, but he said ALL the right things on Saturday. He told me, without knowing I broke up with my boo BTW, "you have to be a strong man to deal with you. I don't want you to settle with a man who kinda deals with you just because many can't deal with you. Make him step up." I soooo needed to hear that. There was so much power in those words and he had no clue. That's my boy!
It hurts when someone you thought you were growing with, in a very INTENSE way I might add, shits all over what you thought you were building. Better now than later though. I can't imagine what pain I have avoided by letting him go. I know it seemed easy to many because I did it so quick, but it was hard following my gut. I will never give up on love. I know what God has for me is for me. I'm Back on the block and will continue to do my best not to ignore the red flags in life.
Peace
PS. I'm not feeling real soft and pink right now. I feel kinda strong which explains why I didn't close with "smooches" ;-)..lol...Peace
Here are a few pictures from my 30th birthday celebration in South Beach. I was trying to wait to get some of the pictures from my girlfriends, but they are taking too long. I was going to tell a whole story and all, but I'll do a part two. Just to give a little rundown: We went to an Adult Film and Novelty Expo, to see Charlie Murphy, Wet Willies, shopping, eating and more.
These are all my girls who came to Miami to celebrate my birthday. I'm behind the camera.
Here are a few of us eating. Here is me and one of my sweetest buddies. She really is a doll. I love her.... This is my BESTfriend since 9th grade. Can you believe we have never had an argument....I'm known for being a little confrontational. I love her sooooo much. She really "gets" me and I appreciate that. These are the cocktail rings that I gave to all my girls. None of us have manicures, but divas nevertheless. Ok, it was hot as hell down there and here I am after a long ass walk from somewhere. This is my business partner and I....our T & A shot. This is me and my best buddy again.
It's a little known fact that I'm kind of the go-to person in my circle on etiquette. Weddings, cocktail parties, invitations, menu selections and the like are exciting to me and over the years I have learned that there is a "way" to do things. This sort of knack for appropriate gestures has it's limits though. I'm rigid when it comes to gifts for the happy couple, but more flexible when it comes to religion. I really have a disdain for rituals and stuff. I'm into having a personal relationship with God without the cliches in church, but that's not what this is about. I will post about that another time. I understand that there is propriety when there is an event, big or small. Maybe my etiquette neurosis is the cause of my complete annoyance with my father's girlfriend(let's call her D for Dummy), but I think her small brain is to blame. This is what happened:
Everyone knows that my dad is ill.... His sister came in from NC last weekend and stayed the weekend. The minute we found out that she was coming, D states "she can't stay here because I don't feel like cleaning up and I don't have the room". My aunt is a black southern baby-boomer so staying in a hotel when visiting family is sacrilegious. When we go south, we always stay "at the house". She never comes to NJ, so staying with us has not been an issue until now. So who else can she stay with? My sister does not have the room whatsoever and she lives a ways from my dad. My apartment is a one bedroom, the size of a shoe box and I'm a little hike from his house as well. My dad has no other family in NJ, so without much choice I finally said that she could stay with me. Keep in mind I had to work this past Fri, I had a gig on Sat and so did my sister.
Ok, so I knew D didn't want my aunt to stay there, but I didn't expect for her not to want to help us host my aunt. Do you know she didn't come to the hospital not one time to speak to my father's sister. We caught her by chance as she was leaving the hospital Sunday morning when we were coming in. She stopped, said hi and bounced.
My aunt was such a good sport. She didn't complain even once. Me and my sister just bounced her around from the hospital to wherever we had to go, including the concert. I expected for D to at least take my aunt to dinner while we were at the gig.....give her a little break from the hospital....something. I gave she didn't want to be bothered.
When people come in from out of town, you have to HOST. That's it...thee end...period. My aunt was not coming to hang out at my bachalorette pad to eat veggie burgers and drink Coronas with me. She needed to be with my dad as much as possible. As his mate, it was D's responsibility to make that happen. Because she didn't want to be involved, we had to tote her with us which meant time away from my dad. Am I a crazy flatware arranger who always comes up with the party games OR are my expectations valid? She was quite rude and I told her. She said her only responsibility was my dad. I guess hosting his sister for an hour or two does not qualify. Geez...it could be me but as the lady of the house, married or not, she should roll out the welcome mat for his visitors.
Me and the girls are headed to South Beach this weekend for my big 30th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm broke, but I need a break. The budget will only allow a plethora of martinis and crackers. I will tell ya all about it when I get back
I love sugar and colored water soooooo much that diabetes, obesity and heart disease just wasn't enough to show my true obsession. I had to put the big corporation's product logo on that back of my rock hard hair cuz I just loves me some KoolAid........
Wait........but look at the two girls in the background.
Name: MIZPOWDERPINK Home: Newark, New Jersey About Me: I'm from Brickcity, NJ. I'm a songwriter, vocal producer and background singer. I love pink, make-up, hair, food, heels, Oprah, pro tools and tea. See my complete profile
